Running With My Shoes Untied.

Tomorrow officially marks day 1 of my 3rd year away at college. To be honest... I'm not ready.
I feel like (as my title says) I am running with my shoes untied.
The race has begun, but I'm not ready.
On the outside people may have noticed that I had my running shoes on,
therefore they just assume that I know what is coming,
and they assume that I'm ready for the race....
but they didn't look close enough.
I'm not ready.
Yes, I put my shoes on, but by no means does that conclude that I am ready.
And with one pull of the trigger- BANG! The race is off.
Frozen in the midst of stares-Everyone is watching me- I have no choice- I run.
I'm running with my shoes untied. I am- what they call- discombobulated.
I don't have anything together, I'm wasn't ready- but now what?
A good runner has no distractions, but as for me- I can't get over the fact that I need to watch out for every step I take... I remind myself over and over again....
"Watch the laces..."
"Don't step on the laces...."
"Don't trip..."
"The laces Melanie, watch the laces...."
I can't even look up to see where I am going.
How do people expect anything out of me?

And with one pull of the trigger- BANG! Junior year beings.
I'm sitting here- 8:00pm- nothing packed. I leave tomorrow.
I'm scared out of my mind.
I don't know if I can handle this year.
I'm not ready, but I don't even know where to begin.

God, I need your help. I'm scared. I don't feel ready. I don't want to go back to school. I'm just not ready. Please God. Help me. Help me to rely on you. Prepare me. You know what's up ahead. Prepare me Lord. God, I miss Don so much right now too. I pray that you help me to be patient in this journey we are in. I don't understand your timing. I don't understand why things don't seem to work out "right." (in my eyes). God- Help me right now. I really need you. I want to follow after you. Am I doing what I am suppose to be doing? Is going back to Spring Arbor what I need to be doing? God I need confirmation. I pray that you give me clarity. And God, again, please prepare me. I need your help. I feel trapped. I don't like this in between time. I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm running with my shoes untied. God please just slow things down around me, help me to have the chance to just BE STILL in your presence. I need that. I need that God. Help me.