Well, Here we are on day 2. We just finished our morning practice and I am already pretty tired. Yesterday wore me about pretty fast. 9 hours of music practice! It was a lot, but we got a lot done. Last night when I crawled into bed I was out so fast. This morning I woke up at 6:15, and ran on the track with Kattie. It was a refreshing way to start the day.
I am so excited already. My team is working together so well. Practices go so smooth. When I need help my team is so helpful.
Bummer.... I really thought I was going to have time to blog, but we have to meet the boys at 12:20 for lunch.
Anyways.... More details later!
Dear God,
Thank you for an awesome start with this team! Continue to give us strength to plow through our music.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Hello Summer...
Well Everything is packed.... I'm shutting down the computer, putting it into my Bag, and we are out the door.
Oh boy! I don't even know what to think right now.
well summer..... here I come! Satan.... Hope you are scared!
Dear God,
I give you this summer! Lord, give me confidence! Guide me! Here I am Your servant!
Oh boy! I don't even know what to think right now.
well summer..... here I come! Satan.... Hope you are scared!
Dear God,
I give you this summer! Lord, give me confidence! Guide me! Here I am Your servant!
soo here I am, this is where I'm at....BOOM!
I never thought that I would ever become a "blogger," but here I am. I was inspired. I have tried to start journals over and over, and then I either forget or loose them and start a new one. Don inspired me to start one. That way I have all my journal entries all together. So... here I am.
I'm tired, and I really need to sleep. Tomorrow I head back to college to start training for Wellspring. (or I guess being that it's morning- I head back TODAY) I feel like I have so much I need to do. I haven't even started packing- I've thought about what I need to pack, but I haven't started yet. I don't even know how to explain how I am feeling right now. I'm kind of all over the place. So here is my attempt at explaining... there is no telling where this might go...
So, I'm really excited for Wellspring first of all. This is something I have wanted to do forever. When I was younger and went to covenant Hills Camp, I remember seeing Wellspring come and sing, and I decided right there and then... someday, that's what I want to do. So, tomorrow that dream comes true. Of course I am excited!
Although my excitement for Wellspring is mixed with a whole lot of nervousness! I'm playing piano, which to me seems like a joke. Yea, I know how to play some, but I'm by no means an expert. I feel like everyone on my team has played their instruments for forever and my team is so talented! God has put some amazing people on my team. I just get nervous because I want to do good, but I feel like I'm inadequate. On top of that, I'm a freshmen, and the team is mostly seniors. So... I'm the baby of the group.
With all these mixed feelings going on... why don't we just throw in a bittersweet taste as well. I'm going through a time where I need to realize that following God doesn't mean I am going to be in my comfort zone. In fact, by now I have figured out that following God pretty much ALWAYS means I will be outside my comfort zone.
I have this bittersweet taste in my mouth because this summer I will not be at Covenant Hills. It seems really childish to say this but, I don't feel right spending a summer away from the Hills. I don't remember one summer growing up, that I didn't spend the summer at Camp. I love that place. I see CHC as a marker point in my spiritual walk. No matter if I was a counselor or camper, God changed my life every year at that camp. It has a special place in my heart, and I'm really broken hearted that I first of all won't be working there, and second, that my wellspring team won't be there for family camp.
CHC is where I am comfortable, it has become my summer routine, and when my routine gets messed up, I'm lost. I was at camp on Sunday saying goodbye to Don before he went to His first staff training meeting, and I was so torn. I guess jealous would be the right word to use, I just didn't want to admit it, but yes, I was so jealous. I wanted to be at camp for the summer (and I wanted to be with Don) it was just hard to leave and swallow the fact that I won't be at camp for the rest of the summer. That was the bitter part of it, but the sweet part is that God has something else in mind for me.
Like I said, I'm nervous, but I need to continue to ask God to give me confidence. God has an awesome summer planned for me. It's exciting to be sitting here tonight knowing that this journey is going to start soon. I wasn't just accidentally placed on this team. I am on this team for a reason. I'm excited to be pushed outside my comfort zone, be somewhere new, surrounded by new people, and to just be used by God. That my friends, is pure Sugar! That is a sweet taste in my mouth!
And lastly, I just really miss Don right now. Tonight is his second night at the hills for the summer, and I just want to see how his day was and I want to just talk to him and tell him about mine, and I just really want to be working this summer with him, and uh! I just miss him a lot. Last night for some reason was really difficult for me. I was feeling so down I just went downstairs into Brian's room and brought with me my laptop. I plugged in some speakers and set up in Brians bed a nice little seat and I sat back and watched "You've got mail," it was a cute movie. I liked it a lot, yea, predictable like every chick flick, but cute. I feel like it made me miss Don even more though. I sat there watched the movie, then listened to the CD Don gave me before he left for camp, and just cried and prayed and prayed and cried, and missed Don.
I am really excited for Him this summer at camp. If ever I had the chance to be a counselor, I would want to follow in his footsteps. Don loves his campers with such genuine love. He takes the time to listen to them, and get to know them, and he is sensitive to God's calling and direction as he takes the lead in his cabin. I am so excited for him this year at camp, Satan should be scared! God is going to use Don in so many ways. I can't wait for Him! Last night was difficult though, and I still don't know why. I fell asleep in tears. I just miss him, and I want to stay focused on what God wants, but I just wish it was easier. I feel like it will get easier once I start out on the road with wellspring. We will both be occupied with our own things. I just like Don so much, I want to spend all my time with him. I know the summer will be good for us apart, but it will have it's hard days.
At CHC they take away the phones so that they do not become a distraction, so Don hasn't had his phone all day. I have kept mine close at all times though. I feel dumb. I just feel like a little kid or something. I'm so antsy. I keep checking it, just in case by some chance they got their phones during a break or something. Anyways.... all of that just to say, I'm missing Don like crazy!
There!
I think I did it!
I explained how I am feeling.... and I think that's as good as it's going to get.
well, hmm, this first blog is really long already.... I just wanted to share a little more about where I am at.
So, here we go, I will try to make it quick (but no promises
Ok, So I'm going to start with the end of the school year. I just finished my freshmen year of college... and WOW, what a year. I think that this school year was the best/worst year ever. God took me through so much, but I wouldn't take any of those experiences back. It was amazing and I learned that trusting God is not just something you do, it's not an activity, it's the way we have to live our lives. I'm at a loss. I ended the year and am not sure if I am going back to SAU, or if it is time to move on. I want to be a youth pastor, and an internship opportunity has opened up at my church. Do I go back, or stay home and intern. There is a lot more that goes into all of it, like grades and money and plans for the rest of my life, but I'm not going to worry about that- I'm just going to bundle it all up, and hand it over to God.
Next I am in a relationship with Don Schember. Wow have we been through so much together. Meeting at camp-May 29th, 2009. We met on a crazy night. At the time I was dating a guy named kenny, and that night we met at camp at our praiseband practice, I found out that Kenny had another interest in another girl from his school. It was a pretty emotional night for me. Little did I know that God had plans for this Don guy. I remember meeting Don. I was so embarrassed because I was playing guitar and I was a mess. My guitar was so out of tune, and I can't even tune myself, and then even when it was tuned it sounded horrible. I figured Don was probably thinking to himself, what on earth did I get myself into this summer. I remember thinking he was really good looking, but my first impression was that he was a jock, and that intimidated me! He was wearing a softball mennonite shirt, and when I think mennonite, I think Amish people. I just didn't think a softball playing, bass playing, good looking, jock, amish boy, would ever even want to be my friend. After practice we had to move everything out of the meeting place and into the pavilion, so I remember filling Don's car with the drums (His white car I thought looked like an old person car, but I remember when I put the drums inside, I kept my head inside the car just a little longer so I could smell it- it was so good, smelled like boy!!!) Don then would back up the car all the way down to the pavilion, I remember he would back up so fast- I thought he was some reckless driver! But he seemed like he knew what he was doing. All night though he seemed pretty interested in Grace, and I just wished he would notice me at some point, but at the same time I was still intimidated so I didn't want him to notice me TOO much. As they carried over the keyboard I walked with them and picked up the plug so that it didn't drag on the ground. (haha, I was too weak to carry the keyboard, but I wanted to help, so I carried the chord) As I walked with him I found out that Don was the same age as me. He was actually having his open house the next day (at his amish church!) He asked me what college I was going to and I said Spring Arbor. He said he WAS going to go there but he was going for football (which SAU does have) so He was going to Taylor. I didn't know why, but I was kinda sad. I mean, I didn't even know this kid, but I really wished he was going to SAU too. But wow, a football player. Amish people know how to play football? I remember standing on the concrete at the enterance of the pavilion and saying to him "I am really excited to get to know you this summer, and I am excited that you ended up working here! I know you will love it!" He held out his hand to shake mine and said "Melanie, it was nice meeting you, I can't wait for the summer to start, and I am excited to get to know you too." That's when I realized he was know jerk jock, he said it looking straight into my eyes. So genuine. I felt so loved, I got the chills! That quickly went away though, because when he shook my hand he had a thumb ring on, and yes he had a good strong grip, but with that thumb ring, it kinda hurt. But regardless, I was excited! Then as we walked back to the meeting place together I said "I really feel like running." (why I said that? I have no idea) but Don said "Ok, LETS RUN!" and took off! And that was the start of it all......
The summer started, and Kenny had broken up with me, and I was still heart broken. Healing began when God surrounded me with "THE QUAD" Grace, travis, Don, and I. We were such an amazing support team. We just meshed so well. The friendships we were creating within that group was so special. We only had known eachother for about a week, and we were so close. Grace and I were both the single ladies, and Travis and Don both were dating some very lucky girls. Travis was dating Jaimie- (my new best friend- my roomate for the first year of college) Don was dating a girl named meredith, and he was head over heels for her. I remember being so exicted to meet her at the end of the summer when she came home from Africa... but after the first week of camp, all changed. Don and her broke up. My heart broke then for Don. I dated Kenny for 2 months, and Don had dated this girl for about 3 years. I couldn't imagine, and it killed me to see him so hurt.
After all this something began to happen between Don and I.... I never saw it coming. As soon as I realized I started to like Him, I kept telling myself NO! It cant happen. We are friends. If it ever were to happen it wouldn't be for years. The whole time I kept wondering if he liked me though, I never knew until the last week of camp. Don had to leave to go home to sell his steer. Before he left he put flowers on my bed. The most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. With a note that said
To: The Cinderella (in my opinion)
From: #77 DES
Inside it said "Pretty flowers for a pretty girl......"
I still get butterflies now! That's when I knew there was something more! I had never gotten flowers from a boy, and this softball playing, bass playing, good looking, counselor guy, Jesus loving, football playing, amazing guy, took the time to go pick flowers for ME!
We spent the next few nights as he was away selling his steer and I was at camp- talking on the phone till late into the night. (I was a lifeguard so i got to keep my phone) When he came back to camp for the staff goodbye party we ended up staying up all night looking at the stars and talking- (then his car battery died because he had the heat going in the car to keep me warm) so instead of driving back to where the guys were staying he slept in the car. I rememeber waking up in the morning and going out to wake him up. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, I tried to fix my hair as best I could and make myself look nice. I wanted to look good before I woke him up.
We then went and stopped at His house. He took me to the breakwall. The breakwall is such a special place for Don and I. It's probably my favorite place to go with Don. It was near midnight- August 1st, and that's where the confession happened. I remember explaining that there was an elephant in the room. Meaning its so obvious! You can't ignore and elephant in a room. We both liked eachother..... now where do we go from there. We talked about school and being apart, and our last relationships, and healing that took place after them, and boundaries, and most importantly what God wanted. We decided to GO FOR IT!
Don came with me to my grandparents where he ended up talking to my Dad. That meant so much that he would ask my Dad. I knew Don cared about me, so much that he asked my dad! My Dad gave the ok- saying something like " I know what jerks look like- and you are not one!" So it all began. August 5th, 2009 5:45 AM- My first kiss came. The way I had always dreamed too. Don asked me first. I always wanted the guy to ask. It was the best first kiss ever! It was a fairytale! August went by. I got to go with Don and his family to go drop Don off at school for football. It was a tough goodbye, realizing it was for real, he would be in Indiana, and I would be in Michigan. He kissed me goodbye. I remember he was sitting on top of his fridge, and I kissed him goodbye. I remember shutting the door of his dorm as I walked out, fighting back tears. He looked so scared as we left. Being left in a place that was all so New and different. I didn't want to leave. That was the start of us being apart. It was hard. School started for me, and as September came I was fighting with so much. I was overwhelmed with School and how much work college already was, overwhelmed with the fact that my relationship with my dad was far from the place where I wanted it, and overwhelmed with the fact that I missed Don so much. All this pushed me to doubt. I prayed and prayed and felt as if at that moment was not a time for me to be in a relationship. It was the best relationship I had ever been in, and we hadn't done anything wrong. I wanted to hold onto it so badly, but the more I held on, the more the feeling of doubt crept in. I talked to Don, and I remember the night it all ended. It was the hardest I had ever cried. I sat in the empty hallway of my dorm and just cried. Crying out to God, I prayed for some sort of peace. God carried me through that next month. It was difficult, but what killed me the most was the fact that I knew I had hurt the guy who meant the world to me. I tried to just forget about Him and move on, but I couldn't get him out of my head. December came and I went through a spiritual dryspell. Through that time I let my guard down, and I was searching. Searching for something to fill the void. My first option came faster then I expected. His name was kyle. I kept trying to push my thoughts of Don away, and as bad as I feel for saying this, I was almost using Kyle as a bandaid. I tried covering the wound, hoping that it would work. I went to a red wings game with him, where he held my hand. I hated it. I hated every second of it. It wasn't right. I wanted it to be Don. I felt like the bandaide had been ripped off and the wound burned with pain. Maybe another try. Kyle took me to a Pistons game with his family. I tried pushing the bandaide on harder this time, it has to work! After the game we went back to his house, where I regret everything that happened there. I had been touched in a way which crossed my boundaries, I felt so dirty, and my lips were touched by some guy who I felt wanted nothing but to take away from me everything I treasured. I went home feeling so guilty, so dirty, and so thirsty for God. What was I doing? Why? I cried myself to sleep that night, and out of all the dreams I could have had that night, it had Don in it.... on the breakwall. I picked up and without a second thought, called Don. I was surprised when he answered the phone. I was expecting him to be sleeping. We started talking, and it was just like old times, we joked and laughed, and I just missed Him so much. He came by my house the next day on his was down to a new years party with some camp staff. That night I texted Him and asked him to come back the next day. We went out for lunch, and I just told him everything. I told Him all about missing him, and pushing him away, and my spiritual dryspell, and then kyle. All I told him was there was a guy- I told him i got myself into a mess, I don't like him, but Kyle still liked me. I said sorry, and I finally said what I had come to say- I still liked Him. I was comparing my life to the notebook. There was a summer romance, it was perfect, but then they split and moved on with life. The girl ended up falling for this rich guy, and in the end fell back into the arms of her summer love. realizing how much she still loved him, and still missed him. After I told Don everything he looked at me and said....
"Mel, From what I remember from the movie... the guy never stopped liking the girl."
I couldn't believe he would still like me! I knew that it was not the time to pick up our relationship right then. I knew that God would tell me when, so until then I would wait, and just pick up our friendship where it left off. I missed Don so much. I was so happy he was back in my life. It was January 1st. What an amazing first day of the year! Don ended up taking me on a date for my Birthday. He picked me up at school and surprised me by taking me to the breakwall, and to dinner at the "Pasta House" I loved that day so much. He took me back home, where he spent the night. The next day he got in an accident on the way back to school. I can't even explain how that day went. I am just so thankful Don is ok. God really protected Him! From that time on, we had waited and prayed and waited and prayed. I had been praying and asking God to help me tell Don about that night with Kyle I regret so much. Its something that I needed to share, something that was not to be a secret. It was tearing me up inside. So I told Him, told Him EVERYTHING. I cried so hard, I felt so ashamed. I just wanted forgiveness from Don, forgiveness from God, and I just wanted so badly to forgive myself. I couldn't believe Don's reaction. He forgave me before I even asked him to. It actually made it kinda hard because I didn't want him to just forgive me just like that. I was so mad at myself, and it blew me away that he just forgave me no problem. I am so thankful for Don, and his heart. He helped me to finally forgive myself. More praying and waiting came, and then May 25, 2010, Don became my boyfriend- sealed with a long awaited Kiss!
I am blown away when I stand back and look at where God has lead Don and I. As of late, Don is the first guy I have ever said "I LOVE YOU," to. Those 3 words don't even express how much I love Don. I can't help but think about the future. We have bathed this relationship in prayer, and that's what we will continue to do. I just love Don so much. I want to be the best I can be for Him.
Before Don went to camp for the summer, I spent some time writing out some letters. I plan on doing more throughout the summer as I travel. the very first letter said it all though. This summer the theme for each of us is "GROW" I know we will.
Ephesians 3:17 says:
Then Christ will make His home in our hearts, as you Trust in Him. Your roots will GROW deep into God's love, and keep you STRONG!
This summer will be tough, but we are both off serving God, and growing more and more in Christ, and we will become strong. In my letter I mentioned the Redwood tree. The Redwood tree is special because it wouldn't grow alone. In order to survive it has tro have other Redwood trees with it. It's roots are not extremely deep, but it goes out and grabs onto the roots of other Redwoods and interlocks with them. The reason they are strong is because they stand together. Don and I are in different places, serving with different people, but we are digging our roots into the same soil, seeking the same God. This summer, we will grow spiritually as individuals, but we are still in this together. I want to be a Redwood. We have to be growing together. Then when tough times come, when the wind blows, or the storms comes, we will stand Strong together. This summer will help get us to that point.
Before I said goodbye to Don, he gave me the CD (that I am actually listening to right now) and he gave me the best letter I have ever recieved. I sat at camp before I left. I sat in the black car outside the DAWA, and just cried. I know Don loves me. That letter was his heart. I love Don so much! God has blown me away. Don could possibly be "the one!" I am excited to see where God is going to take Don and I. I pray that we stay focused on Him, and don't rush anything. I don't want to mess this up. All I want to do is make Jesus smile.
So, I have no idea what my intentions were for this first blog. I guess it was to talk about how I feel about he summer, and to tell you my life story with Don. Well.... it's a good first blog I guess. Probably made the world records for longest blog. I am glad I have all this written down though. It's important to me, and I hadnt journaled about it, so I am glad I have it written down somewhere.
Dear God,
Wow, It was so nice to reflect tonight as I wrote this first blog. It made me realize once again how you are just so constant. I went through a crazy year, but the entire time you were there, and you never changed. I pray God that you take a hold of Don and my relationship and do with it what YOU want God. I pray for Don right now God, Please keep him strong, and keep him close. I pray that you prepare him for the summer. Unify the staff God, and get them ready for the battle. Clothe them in the full armor so they are ready to fight. I pray for CHC this summer, move on that campground! I pray for the campers who will come, begin preparing their hearts for the summer God. I pray for Wellspring. I am so excited to get the chance to do this! It's a dream come true! I pray that you help me to ignore Satan. God I may feel inadequate, but I know that you see me as your child. You have gifted me, and you will use me this summer for your glory! God I pray for the people my team will come in contact with that you will prepare their hearts, and Lord I pray for my team that you will prepare us, get us ready for the battle as well. Help us to be sensitive to your calling this summer. God please be with my family, bring us together, unify us, get satan out of my house. Be with Brian and Amanda. Be in their marriage. Be with Don's family. Nick. Dear God, I give you all the decisions I have to make this summer about the school year. God, take that weight off my shoulders and help me to know what you want for me. Where you lead I will follow. Dear Jesus.... I want to start this summer New. God Wipe the slate clean. I don't want anything to be in my way. I just want to run for the prize. LORD, I Love you! Thank you for the many blessings you have given me, and thank you for your new mercies everyday.
I'm tired, and I really need to sleep. Tomorrow I head back to college to start training for Wellspring. (or I guess being that it's morning- I head back TODAY) I feel like I have so much I need to do. I haven't even started packing- I've thought about what I need to pack, but I haven't started yet. I don't even know how to explain how I am feeling right now. I'm kind of all over the place. So here is my attempt at explaining... there is no telling where this might go...
So, I'm really excited for Wellspring first of all. This is something I have wanted to do forever. When I was younger and went to covenant Hills Camp, I remember seeing Wellspring come and sing, and I decided right there and then... someday, that's what I want to do. So, tomorrow that dream comes true. Of course I am excited!
Although my excitement for Wellspring is mixed with a whole lot of nervousness! I'm playing piano, which to me seems like a joke. Yea, I know how to play some, but I'm by no means an expert. I feel like everyone on my team has played their instruments for forever and my team is so talented! God has put some amazing people on my team. I just get nervous because I want to do good, but I feel like I'm inadequate. On top of that, I'm a freshmen, and the team is mostly seniors. So... I'm the baby of the group.
With all these mixed feelings going on... why don't we just throw in a bittersweet taste as well. I'm going through a time where I need to realize that following God doesn't mean I am going to be in my comfort zone. In fact, by now I have figured out that following God pretty much ALWAYS means I will be outside my comfort zone.
I have this bittersweet taste in my mouth because this summer I will not be at Covenant Hills. It seems really childish to say this but, I don't feel right spending a summer away from the Hills. I don't remember one summer growing up, that I didn't spend the summer at Camp. I love that place. I see CHC as a marker point in my spiritual walk. No matter if I was a counselor or camper, God changed my life every year at that camp. It has a special place in my heart, and I'm really broken hearted that I first of all won't be working there, and second, that my wellspring team won't be there for family camp.
CHC is where I am comfortable, it has become my summer routine, and when my routine gets messed up, I'm lost. I was at camp on Sunday saying goodbye to Don before he went to His first staff training meeting, and I was so torn. I guess jealous would be the right word to use, I just didn't want to admit it, but yes, I was so jealous. I wanted to be at camp for the summer (and I wanted to be with Don) it was just hard to leave and swallow the fact that I won't be at camp for the rest of the summer. That was the bitter part of it, but the sweet part is that God has something else in mind for me.
Like I said, I'm nervous, but I need to continue to ask God to give me confidence. God has an awesome summer planned for me. It's exciting to be sitting here tonight knowing that this journey is going to start soon. I wasn't just accidentally placed on this team. I am on this team for a reason. I'm excited to be pushed outside my comfort zone, be somewhere new, surrounded by new people, and to just be used by God. That my friends, is pure Sugar! That is a sweet taste in my mouth!
And lastly, I just really miss Don right now. Tonight is his second night at the hills for the summer, and I just want to see how his day was and I want to just talk to him and tell him about mine, and I just really want to be working this summer with him, and uh! I just miss him a lot. Last night for some reason was really difficult for me. I was feeling so down I just went downstairs into Brian's room and brought with me my laptop. I plugged in some speakers and set up in Brians bed a nice little seat and I sat back and watched "You've got mail," it was a cute movie. I liked it a lot, yea, predictable like every chick flick, but cute. I feel like it made me miss Don even more though. I sat there watched the movie, then listened to the CD Don gave me before he left for camp, and just cried and prayed and prayed and cried, and missed Don.
I am really excited for Him this summer at camp. If ever I had the chance to be a counselor, I would want to follow in his footsteps. Don loves his campers with such genuine love. He takes the time to listen to them, and get to know them, and he is sensitive to God's calling and direction as he takes the lead in his cabin. I am so excited for him this year at camp, Satan should be scared! God is going to use Don in so many ways. I can't wait for Him! Last night was difficult though, and I still don't know why. I fell asleep in tears. I just miss him, and I want to stay focused on what God wants, but I just wish it was easier. I feel like it will get easier once I start out on the road with wellspring. We will both be occupied with our own things. I just like Don so much, I want to spend all my time with him. I know the summer will be good for us apart, but it will have it's hard days.
At CHC they take away the phones so that they do not become a distraction, so Don hasn't had his phone all day. I have kept mine close at all times though. I feel dumb. I just feel like a little kid or something. I'm so antsy. I keep checking it, just in case by some chance they got their phones during a break or something. Anyways.... all of that just to say, I'm missing Don like crazy!
There!
I think I did it!
I explained how I am feeling.... and I think that's as good as it's going to get.
well, hmm, this first blog is really long already.... I just wanted to share a little more about where I am at.
So, here we go, I will try to make it quick (but no promises
Ok, So I'm going to start with the end of the school year. I just finished my freshmen year of college... and WOW, what a year. I think that this school year was the best/worst year ever. God took me through so much, but I wouldn't take any of those experiences back. It was amazing and I learned that trusting God is not just something you do, it's not an activity, it's the way we have to live our lives. I'm at a loss. I ended the year and am not sure if I am going back to SAU, or if it is time to move on. I want to be a youth pastor, and an internship opportunity has opened up at my church. Do I go back, or stay home and intern. There is a lot more that goes into all of it, like grades and money and plans for the rest of my life, but I'm not going to worry about that- I'm just going to bundle it all up, and hand it over to God.
Next I am in a relationship with Don Schember. Wow have we been through so much together. Meeting at camp-May 29th, 2009. We met on a crazy night. At the time I was dating a guy named kenny, and that night we met at camp at our praiseband practice, I found out that Kenny had another interest in another girl from his school. It was a pretty emotional night for me. Little did I know that God had plans for this Don guy. I remember meeting Don. I was so embarrassed because I was playing guitar and I was a mess. My guitar was so out of tune, and I can't even tune myself, and then even when it was tuned it sounded horrible. I figured Don was probably thinking to himself, what on earth did I get myself into this summer. I remember thinking he was really good looking, but my first impression was that he was a jock, and that intimidated me! He was wearing a softball mennonite shirt, and when I think mennonite, I think Amish people. I just didn't think a softball playing, bass playing, good looking, jock, amish boy, would ever even want to be my friend. After practice we had to move everything out of the meeting place and into the pavilion, so I remember filling Don's car with the drums (His white car I thought looked like an old person car, but I remember when I put the drums inside, I kept my head inside the car just a little longer so I could smell it- it was so good, smelled like boy!!!) Don then would back up the car all the way down to the pavilion, I remember he would back up so fast- I thought he was some reckless driver! But he seemed like he knew what he was doing. All night though he seemed pretty interested in Grace, and I just wished he would notice me at some point, but at the same time I was still intimidated so I didn't want him to notice me TOO much. As they carried over the keyboard I walked with them and picked up the plug so that it didn't drag on the ground. (haha, I was too weak to carry the keyboard, but I wanted to help, so I carried the chord) As I walked with him I found out that Don was the same age as me. He was actually having his open house the next day (at his amish church!) He asked me what college I was going to and I said Spring Arbor. He said he WAS going to go there but he was going for football (which SAU does have) so He was going to Taylor. I didn't know why, but I was kinda sad. I mean, I didn't even know this kid, but I really wished he was going to SAU too. But wow, a football player. Amish people know how to play football? I remember standing on the concrete at the enterance of the pavilion and saying to him "I am really excited to get to know you this summer, and I am excited that you ended up working here! I know you will love it!" He held out his hand to shake mine and said "Melanie, it was nice meeting you, I can't wait for the summer to start, and I am excited to get to know you too." That's when I realized he was know jerk jock, he said it looking straight into my eyes. So genuine. I felt so loved, I got the chills! That quickly went away though, because when he shook my hand he had a thumb ring on, and yes he had a good strong grip, but with that thumb ring, it kinda hurt. But regardless, I was excited! Then as we walked back to the meeting place together I said "I really feel like running." (why I said that? I have no idea) but Don said "Ok, LETS RUN!" and took off! And that was the start of it all......
The summer started, and Kenny had broken up with me, and I was still heart broken. Healing began when God surrounded me with "THE QUAD" Grace, travis, Don, and I. We were such an amazing support team. We just meshed so well. The friendships we were creating within that group was so special. We only had known eachother for about a week, and we were so close. Grace and I were both the single ladies, and Travis and Don both were dating some very lucky girls. Travis was dating Jaimie- (my new best friend- my roomate for the first year of college) Don was dating a girl named meredith, and he was head over heels for her. I remember being so exicted to meet her at the end of the summer when she came home from Africa... but after the first week of camp, all changed. Don and her broke up. My heart broke then for Don. I dated Kenny for 2 months, and Don had dated this girl for about 3 years. I couldn't imagine, and it killed me to see him so hurt.
After all this something began to happen between Don and I.... I never saw it coming. As soon as I realized I started to like Him, I kept telling myself NO! It cant happen. We are friends. If it ever were to happen it wouldn't be for years. The whole time I kept wondering if he liked me though, I never knew until the last week of camp. Don had to leave to go home to sell his steer. Before he left he put flowers on my bed. The most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. With a note that said
To: The Cinderella (in my opinion)
From: #77 DES
Inside it said "Pretty flowers for a pretty girl......"
I still get butterflies now! That's when I knew there was something more! I had never gotten flowers from a boy, and this softball playing, bass playing, good looking, counselor guy, Jesus loving, football playing, amazing guy, took the time to go pick flowers for ME!
We spent the next few nights as he was away selling his steer and I was at camp- talking on the phone till late into the night. (I was a lifeguard so i got to keep my phone) When he came back to camp for the staff goodbye party we ended up staying up all night looking at the stars and talking- (then his car battery died because he had the heat going in the car to keep me warm) so instead of driving back to where the guys were staying he slept in the car. I rememeber waking up in the morning and going out to wake him up. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, I tried to fix my hair as best I could and make myself look nice. I wanted to look good before I woke him up.
We then went and stopped at His house. He took me to the breakwall. The breakwall is such a special place for Don and I. It's probably my favorite place to go with Don. It was near midnight- August 1st, and that's where the confession happened. I remember explaining that there was an elephant in the room. Meaning its so obvious! You can't ignore and elephant in a room. We both liked eachother..... now where do we go from there. We talked about school and being apart, and our last relationships, and healing that took place after them, and boundaries, and most importantly what God wanted. We decided to GO FOR IT!
Don came with me to my grandparents where he ended up talking to my Dad. That meant so much that he would ask my Dad. I knew Don cared about me, so much that he asked my dad! My Dad gave the ok- saying something like " I know what jerks look like- and you are not one!" So it all began. August 5th, 2009 5:45 AM- My first kiss came. The way I had always dreamed too. Don asked me first. I always wanted the guy to ask. It was the best first kiss ever! It was a fairytale! August went by. I got to go with Don and his family to go drop Don off at school for football. It was a tough goodbye, realizing it was for real, he would be in Indiana, and I would be in Michigan. He kissed me goodbye. I remember he was sitting on top of his fridge, and I kissed him goodbye. I remember shutting the door of his dorm as I walked out, fighting back tears. He looked so scared as we left. Being left in a place that was all so New and different. I didn't want to leave. That was the start of us being apart. It was hard. School started for me, and as September came I was fighting with so much. I was overwhelmed with School and how much work college already was, overwhelmed with the fact that my relationship with my dad was far from the place where I wanted it, and overwhelmed with the fact that I missed Don so much. All this pushed me to doubt. I prayed and prayed and felt as if at that moment was not a time for me to be in a relationship. It was the best relationship I had ever been in, and we hadn't done anything wrong. I wanted to hold onto it so badly, but the more I held on, the more the feeling of doubt crept in. I talked to Don, and I remember the night it all ended. It was the hardest I had ever cried. I sat in the empty hallway of my dorm and just cried. Crying out to God, I prayed for some sort of peace. God carried me through that next month. It was difficult, but what killed me the most was the fact that I knew I had hurt the guy who meant the world to me. I tried to just forget about Him and move on, but I couldn't get him out of my head. December came and I went through a spiritual dryspell. Through that time I let my guard down, and I was searching. Searching for something to fill the void. My first option came faster then I expected. His name was kyle. I kept trying to push my thoughts of Don away, and as bad as I feel for saying this, I was almost using Kyle as a bandaid. I tried covering the wound, hoping that it would work. I went to a red wings game with him, where he held my hand. I hated it. I hated every second of it. It wasn't right. I wanted it to be Don. I felt like the bandaide had been ripped off and the wound burned with pain. Maybe another try. Kyle took me to a Pistons game with his family. I tried pushing the bandaide on harder this time, it has to work! After the game we went back to his house, where I regret everything that happened there. I had been touched in a way which crossed my boundaries, I felt so dirty, and my lips were touched by some guy who I felt wanted nothing but to take away from me everything I treasured. I went home feeling so guilty, so dirty, and so thirsty for God. What was I doing? Why? I cried myself to sleep that night, and out of all the dreams I could have had that night, it had Don in it.... on the breakwall. I picked up and without a second thought, called Don. I was surprised when he answered the phone. I was expecting him to be sleeping. We started talking, and it was just like old times, we joked and laughed, and I just missed Him so much. He came by my house the next day on his was down to a new years party with some camp staff. That night I texted Him and asked him to come back the next day. We went out for lunch, and I just told him everything. I told Him all about missing him, and pushing him away, and my spiritual dryspell, and then kyle. All I told him was there was a guy- I told him i got myself into a mess, I don't like him, but Kyle still liked me. I said sorry, and I finally said what I had come to say- I still liked Him. I was comparing my life to the notebook. There was a summer romance, it was perfect, but then they split and moved on with life. The girl ended up falling for this rich guy, and in the end fell back into the arms of her summer love. realizing how much she still loved him, and still missed him. After I told Don everything he looked at me and said....
"Mel, From what I remember from the movie... the guy never stopped liking the girl."
I couldn't believe he would still like me! I knew that it was not the time to pick up our relationship right then. I knew that God would tell me when, so until then I would wait, and just pick up our friendship where it left off. I missed Don so much. I was so happy he was back in my life. It was January 1st. What an amazing first day of the year! Don ended up taking me on a date for my Birthday. He picked me up at school and surprised me by taking me to the breakwall, and to dinner at the "Pasta House" I loved that day so much. He took me back home, where he spent the night. The next day he got in an accident on the way back to school. I can't even explain how that day went. I am just so thankful Don is ok. God really protected Him! From that time on, we had waited and prayed and waited and prayed. I had been praying and asking God to help me tell Don about that night with Kyle I regret so much. Its something that I needed to share, something that was not to be a secret. It was tearing me up inside. So I told Him, told Him EVERYTHING. I cried so hard, I felt so ashamed. I just wanted forgiveness from Don, forgiveness from God, and I just wanted so badly to forgive myself. I couldn't believe Don's reaction. He forgave me before I even asked him to. It actually made it kinda hard because I didn't want him to just forgive me just like that. I was so mad at myself, and it blew me away that he just forgave me no problem. I am so thankful for Don, and his heart. He helped me to finally forgive myself. More praying and waiting came, and then May 25, 2010, Don became my boyfriend- sealed with a long awaited Kiss!
I am blown away when I stand back and look at where God has lead Don and I. As of late, Don is the first guy I have ever said "I LOVE YOU," to. Those 3 words don't even express how much I love Don. I can't help but think about the future. We have bathed this relationship in prayer, and that's what we will continue to do. I just love Don so much. I want to be the best I can be for Him.
Before Don went to camp for the summer, I spent some time writing out some letters. I plan on doing more throughout the summer as I travel. the very first letter said it all though. This summer the theme for each of us is "GROW" I know we will.
Ephesians 3:17 says:
Then Christ will make His home in our hearts, as you Trust in Him. Your roots will GROW deep into God's love, and keep you STRONG!
This summer will be tough, but we are both off serving God, and growing more and more in Christ, and we will become strong. In my letter I mentioned the Redwood tree. The Redwood tree is special because it wouldn't grow alone. In order to survive it has tro have other Redwood trees with it. It's roots are not extremely deep, but it goes out and grabs onto the roots of other Redwoods and interlocks with them. The reason they are strong is because they stand together. Don and I are in different places, serving with different people, but we are digging our roots into the same soil, seeking the same God. This summer, we will grow spiritually as individuals, but we are still in this together. I want to be a Redwood. We have to be growing together. Then when tough times come, when the wind blows, or the storms comes, we will stand Strong together. This summer will help get us to that point.
Before I said goodbye to Don, he gave me the CD (that I am actually listening to right now) and he gave me the best letter I have ever recieved. I sat at camp before I left. I sat in the black car outside the DAWA, and just cried. I know Don loves me. That letter was his heart. I love Don so much! God has blown me away. Don could possibly be "the one!" I am excited to see where God is going to take Don and I. I pray that we stay focused on Him, and don't rush anything. I don't want to mess this up. All I want to do is make Jesus smile.
So, I have no idea what my intentions were for this first blog. I guess it was to talk about how I feel about he summer, and to tell you my life story with Don. Well.... it's a good first blog I guess. Probably made the world records for longest blog. I am glad I have all this written down though. It's important to me, and I hadnt journaled about it, so I am glad I have it written down somewhere.
Dear God,
Wow, It was so nice to reflect tonight as I wrote this first blog. It made me realize once again how you are just so constant. I went through a crazy year, but the entire time you were there, and you never changed. I pray God that you take a hold of Don and my relationship and do with it what YOU want God. I pray for Don right now God, Please keep him strong, and keep him close. I pray that you prepare him for the summer. Unify the staff God, and get them ready for the battle. Clothe them in the full armor so they are ready to fight. I pray for CHC this summer, move on that campground! I pray for the campers who will come, begin preparing their hearts for the summer God. I pray for Wellspring. I am so excited to get the chance to do this! It's a dream come true! I pray that you help me to ignore Satan. God I may feel inadequate, but I know that you see me as your child. You have gifted me, and you will use me this summer for your glory! God I pray for the people my team will come in contact with that you will prepare their hearts, and Lord I pray for my team that you will prepare us, get us ready for the battle as well. Help us to be sensitive to your calling this summer. God please be with my family, bring us together, unify us, get satan out of my house. Be with Brian and Amanda. Be in their marriage. Be with Don's family. Nick. Dear God, I give you all the decisions I have to make this summer about the school year. God, take that weight off my shoulders and help me to know what you want for me. Where you lead I will follow. Dear Jesus.... I want to start this summer New. God Wipe the slate clean. I don't want anything to be in my way. I just want to run for the prize. LORD, I Love you! Thank you for the many blessings you have given me, and thank you for your new mercies everyday.
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