Don't Worry- This Time My Shoes Were Tied.

32.12 min- I ran for the first time in a year a 5k.
Today is my Still day- I decided to take a run. The weather is perfect fall weather (55 Degrees) and I decided at the start of my run- Today I am going to run a 5k.

Now- to begin- God is a very smart God (I never doubted that- but I just wanted to emphasize that)
I love analogies.
Being that God knows everything- He knows that about me (and being that he is a smart God) He uses analogies in my life to teach me things.
Today I ran a 5k.
Being that God know everything- He know that for a while now, I have wanted to make running a big thing in my life, and being that God knows everything- He knows that for a while now my goal has been to make it up to a 5k.
Well, believe it or not, through my run today- I was the student, and God.... well God does what He always does- He taught me.

A mile for me right now is hard enough. Some days I can't even pull out a half mile.
But today- I set my goal, and as I ran there were times when it was really easy and the goal seemed very attainable... but then again there were (even more) times when I thought to myself- This isn't going to happen.
How did I do it then?
Well first of all- my body (not bragging, just saying) my body is strong- it could handle a 5k- not saying easily, but I am strong enough that I have always been able to do it, it's just all the in betweens that can hold me back at times- (Example: it's too hot, I feel sick, my feet hurt, my hips hurt, Shoot- I have another cramp, I don't feel like it, I'm soar, I'm not some amazing runner anyways, I am not enjoying myself right now).
So basically, my body could always handle it, but it was always just really hard to do.
Then how did I get through the tough spots today? How did I make it?
Well.... I thought first of all about the end and how good it would feel to complete "the race." If that isn't enough motivation, I don't know what was. It's a huge accomplishment for me personally to run a 5k. It's always a goal of mine- I've done it before, but that doesnt mean the next time I go to do it- it's just going to be really easy. But the thought of finishing kept me going. Secondly, I didn't focus all of my attention on my feet hurting, or my cramp- I just thought about the end and I thought about God and just what he is doing right now and how I just want to live for him. (my previous post points out the fact that today I threw up my white flag) I just thought a lot about what that means in my life. Then I focused on breaking down my run- getting to the next mailbox, getting to the end of the road, getting around this turn, getting over this hill. Right here, right now, the obstacle I am getting through at that moment.
As soon as I passed the finish line (passed my mailbox) and I had finished my 5k- it was the best feeling I have had in so long. I felt so good, and those momentary troubles- they didn't matter anymore- at one point they were rocks in the road for me, and they were in my way and it was tough to run over them at times, but in the end, when you take all those rocks and all of those momentary troubles you have for your self a pile of rocks that now is your podium, and is now what pushes you up higher then you were before- and guess what? You are thankful for each one of those rocks- because look where you are now!

What anaolgy is there is all this- it's obvious, but let me explain it in comparison with my life right at this very moment in time.
A mile was hard enough for me, sometimes even 2 mins of running was difficult.
A semester is hard enough for me, sometimes even one day or one class or one paper.
A semester is hard enough. I'm tired of the aching cramps that are hard and at times seem impossible to run with. Im tired of aching and missing Don, its hard to keep going without my best friend, and many times it feels impossible.
I'm not a runner anyways and there is no reason for me to be running- I'm not on any cross country team or anything- so I really don't HAVE TO- likewise, college? Many days I don't see the point for me, it's not what I want to do anyways, but at the end of the race I feel "healthier" I'm more in shape, and I have that pile of rocks to stand on that push me up farther then where I was before. At the end of this semester, at the end of college, at the end of whatever- I am in much better shape and am now prepared for whatever else is next, and I have with me that pile of rocks that continues to push me ahead.

So....... With that- I have a race to run, my shoes will be tied this time. But Fall Semester 2011 at Spring Arbor University- Here I come.... tomorrow.
God- I'm running this one for you. HELP ME!!! I'm scared. I know this is going to be hard. But you my God, provide for me my daily bread- that is ALL THAT I NEED. Lord, now comes the craziness. Help me to get ready for tomorrow. I don't know what to do. AH!!!!!
God, help me hold tight to you. Guide me. Help me to get to the next mailbox, help me to get to the end of the road, help me to keep my eyes on the prize. Push me, help me, enable me.
I love you God.

You take one shoes lace with one hand and then........

"Bunny Ears, Bunny Ears,

Playing by a Tree

Try to catch me

Bunny Ears, Bunny Ears,

Jumped into a Hole

Popped out on the other side

Beautiful and bold."

...then......PULL TIGHT......and there you have a perfectly tied shoe :)

My shoes are tied- and I'm at the starting line- This time, I think I'm ready.
And with one pull of the trigger.....

BANG!!!!!

The Race Has Begun.......The Finish Line Awaits.

On This Day- The White Flag is Raised.

He has given me today- this daily bread. God gave me the still today. The opportunity to be still. Yesterday, I didn't go to school- like I was suppose to- like I said- I was not ready. I'm standing at a fork in the road. I have 2 clear choices in front of me- To return or not to return. I'm just confused and I am torn. Today is the day, and I feel like God has given me a still moment. He has lifted off my shoulders the confusion of yesterday and the stress of returning and has given me this frozen moment in time- to stop and just spend some time asking Him what to do.
I'm scared right now. I don't know what I am doing? I just can't think it feels like, and I'm tired.

God, thank you for the stillness, thank you for the peace today. God, today I ask that you give me clear and obvious directing. I pray that I can listen, I pray that I can seek you, I pray that I can have the strength to push all esle aside.
God, I am listening. Lord. Speak to me today. Give me a peace. Prepare me today God. Prepare me.
I asked that you bring renewal to my broken heart. I ask that you restore me.
God I want to be consecrated for you. Lord, I really do honestly want to go in the direction that YOU are calling me to. Lord, I'm scared to say this, I don't want to- but God- I pray that you help me to surrender what I want to do. It is not about me, it's about you. That's the way it should be, that's not the way it has been. God- renew me. Cleanse me today, and start over in me. Prepare me to go in the direction that you want. God, you know what I want- you know the desires of my heart. You know that I am struggling. But God, help ME to know and to TRUST that you ALSO are the ONLY ONE, who KNOWS what I need- and God, Help me to be reminded that YOU ARE PROVIDING EXACTLY WHAT I NEED. God. Today I raise up my white flag. I give up this battle I have had with you- the keys are yours- I want you to drive.
God. I surrender.
Here I am, Your Servant, I am listening. God Speak to me.

Running With My Shoes Untied.

Tomorrow officially marks day 1 of my 3rd year away at college. To be honest... I'm not ready.
I feel like (as my title says) I am running with my shoes untied.
The race has begun, but I'm not ready.
On the outside people may have noticed that I had my running shoes on,
therefore they just assume that I know what is coming,
and they assume that I'm ready for the race....
but they didn't look close enough.
I'm not ready.
Yes, I put my shoes on, but by no means does that conclude that I am ready.
And with one pull of the trigger- BANG! The race is off.
Frozen in the midst of stares-Everyone is watching me- I have no choice- I run.
I'm running with my shoes untied. I am- what they call- discombobulated.
I don't have anything together, I'm wasn't ready- but now what?
A good runner has no distractions, but as for me- I can't get over the fact that I need to watch out for every step I take... I remind myself over and over again....
"Watch the laces..."
"Don't step on the laces...."
"Don't trip..."
"The laces Melanie, watch the laces...."
I can't even look up to see where I am going.
How do people expect anything out of me?

And with one pull of the trigger- BANG! Junior year beings.
I'm sitting here- 8:00pm- nothing packed. I leave tomorrow.
I'm scared out of my mind.
I don't know if I can handle this year.
I'm not ready, but I don't even know where to begin.

God, I need your help. I'm scared. I don't feel ready. I don't want to go back to school. I'm just not ready. Please God. Help me. Help me to rely on you. Prepare me. You know what's up ahead. Prepare me Lord. God, I miss Don so much right now too. I pray that you help me to be patient in this journey we are in. I don't understand your timing. I don't understand why things don't seem to work out "right." (in my eyes). God- Help me right now. I really need you. I want to follow after you. Am I doing what I am suppose to be doing? Is going back to Spring Arbor what I need to be doing? God I need confirmation. I pray that you give me clarity. And God, again, please prepare me. I need your help. I feel trapped. I don't like this in between time. I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm running with my shoes untied. God please just slow things down around me, help me to have the chance to just BE STILL in your presence. I need that. I need that God. Help me.